I have been haunted by this menace for most of my life. Half the time I thought it was just the way I supposed to function until I realized I am faced with an invisible enemy just like the enemy we know kicked out of heaven centuries ago.
Sometimes am well but most times am deeply disturbed by thoughts that otherwise would tantamount to negligible worry. Sometimes I hear the voice of my MASTER and many times I hear the voice of the defiler. These voices get very vivid in some seasons causing me to be taken in by doctors who treat the whole vexation so scientifically to the extent they make it sound like a normal ailment.
How I long for this state to be rid off, with prayers I continue to offer night and day looking to be cured from these attacks. I am completely misunderstood by some parts of society as I don’t seem to behave like they expect me to behave. Don’t wish to attend events that involve too many familiar faces. I’d rather be a stranger in a familiar setting with minimal exposure for reasons I myself don’t even understand.
Inspite of it all, I believe there is a purpose for these experiences because the spiritual realm is never too far from my reach almost every day of my life. I occasionally zone out into another reality that often leaves me yearning to stay there without coming back to life as we know it. I get a high in experiencing such days but now it is no more as the final episode is about to commence where we all transition into the next life causing me to go through depressive days.
I can tell that it is almost time as I run out of places to hide my predicament and continue to become more and more exposed to familiarity. Mortality is knocking at my door as I ponder how I am to exist this life and completely immerse my self in the one that I occasionally visit during my episodes. A scary thought because nothing prepares any human being for such an exodus. Not even the Messiah fancied such a journey at first as portrayed in the garden of gethsemane prayer HE made.
Current events in the world point to an eminent end though it said that only the FATHER understands these matters fully. I personally want to get over with it but there remains a mission to complete in my schizo state here on this planet before the final whistle or trumpet for that matter is blown. It feels unnecessary, yet to HIM, it is the only reason HE keeps me alive. Clearly there is job to be done customized specifically for my traits and condition. Sounds exciting but I beg to defer as my soul continues to yearn to be free from this way of life that has hurt me deeply for two decades now.
There is only one thing to do visa vie this dispensation, and that is to keep on moving forward to rid this world of all pollutants so as to prevent its eminent demise too soon. I choose to run my race depressing as it is sometimes, with my head held up high struggling to understand why it must be so.
I am a schizophrenic.